Experiences of Autistic parents.
By Dr Miriam Kirby
I’ve had this paper in my pile of readings for some time which is about Autistic women’s experiences of parenthood. According to the literature, there are many universal experiences that we all have as parents (sleep deprivation being one of them!) and there is a lot of advice out there about how to parent. But what if you are Autistic – does your experience differ from the “norm” and if so, how does this impact on how you might engage with mainstream parenting advice? If you don’t know you are Autistic and you are having difficulty coping with pregnancy, birth, and/or parenthood, is there greater risk to mental health and wellbeing if typical supports and strategies aren’t helpful? How can we best support Autistic parents at different stages of their parenting journey?
Well, it seems that there is very little research on this topic. Many women do not identify as Autistic until adulthood, often after realising in the process of their own children being identified. Hopefully greater awareness and understanding of the internalised presentation of Autism will pave the way for earlier identification so that when it comes to having children, Autistic people are already aware of what individualised support they might need (e.g., to prepare for the change, ways to communicate with health professionals, sensory accommodations).
Winnard et al., (2022) interviewed eight Autistic females (aged between 28 and 63 years old); seven of the participants were late identified and the study included women who were already parents and those who were not. This was to take into consideration lived experience accounts and perceived concerns, challenges and benefits associated with Autistic mothers. All but one of the Autistic mothers had at least one Autistic child Participants were asked open-ended questions in four broad areas: what being a parent means to them, the benefits of being a parent, the challenges of being a parent, and how being Autistic might impact on parenting. The following six themes emerged:
1. Referred by the authors as “Parenthood: Fun and Games”, this theme reflected positive and loving parent-child relationships where love could be understood as an emotional connection with the child as well as meeting their practical needs. Spending time together and playfulness were described as enjoyable aspects of parenting.
2. Support: Giving and Receiving – rewarding aspects of parenting included understanding and supporting how they can best learn, develop and understand the world and seeing their growth and development. However, parents found it challenging to access specialist support, for parenting and for their children, and advocating for their child’s needs (e.g., to access services for assessment).
3. Routine and structure – both parents and non-parents thought an advantage of being Autistic was a preference for routine and structure, which also benefited their children. However, one of the challenges was around flexibly navigating unpredictable or competing demands. For non-parents, there was concern about the impact of having children in the future on their preferred schedules and routines.
4. Sensory sensitivities – this was a common shared view that personal sensory sensitivities have the potential to pose challenges in parenting. For example, auditory sensitivity triggered by sounds from playing, or tactile and olfactory challenges when preparing food or engaging in craft activities. Sensory overload was described as contributing to parenting-specific stress and anxiety on a daily basis.
5. Interaction – parenting brings with it new social situations to navigate such as communicating with educators, participating in the school community and interacting with other parents and children to support their child’s social connections. These were considered expectations but were described as challenging and daunting, with some parents wanting to avoid. One respondent indicated that this is because in these situations they are “totally unscripted”.
6. Unique insight – being an Autistic parent was considered an advantage for parenting an Autistic child due to their lived experience and insight enabling them to use more individualised strategies and supports. While an understanding of Autism was considered important, respondents also indicated the importance of getting to know their child beyond the context of Autism and consider what works best for them.
These themes are consistent with many of my experiences of working with Autistic parents and highlights the need for greater universal understanding of Autism in adults and development of neurodiversity affirming approaches to parenting.
At The Kidd Clinic, in addition to providing individual parenting sessions, another way we try to support Autistic parents and further understand their needs is by offering group programs. Currently, we are offering an online group for Autistic mothers to support them with embracing their Autistic identity while juggling the demands of parenting. If you are interested in participating in future groups for Autistic parents, please contact admin@kiddclinic.com.au
Winnard R, Roy M, Butler-Coyne H. Motherhood: Female Perspectives and Experiences of Being a Parent with ASC. J Autism Dev Disord. 2022 May;52(5):2314-2324. doi: 10.1007/s10803-021-05122-5. Epub 2021 Jun 9. PMID: 34106393; PMCID: PMC9021069.
