Parenting Your Autistic Child
By Helan Pereira
Parenting an Autistic child can take more thought and resources than parenting a non-Autistic child with research showing significant parenting stress levels for parents of Autistic children. These parents may experience a myriad of feelings including worry or guilt, as well as hope and fear about their child’s future. In addition, numerous expectations and unspoken societal pressures can be felt more strongly for parents of Autistic and neurodivergent children.
Some families, particularly those who have not been exposed to neurodivergence, may experience grief when they first learn about their child’s Autistic neurotype. Often, an understanding of grief and the knowledge that grief is cyclical can help parents to adjust. Everyone reacts to grief differently and parent sessions can help parents to process these feelings and begin to understand their child’s neurotype. Some parents, particularly if they are neurodivergent themselves, may not be surprised by their child’s Autism diagnosis and may already be well equipped in terms of understanding and resourcing their child.
In parenting sessions at the Kidd Clinic, we support parents that we work with to find solutions that work for their family. It is important for families to understand where they are in their journey. Is the family still adjusting to the diagnosis and learning to understand Autism more fully? Are they struggling to communicate with their child? Are they supporting their child through a major transition such as moving from high school to adulthood?
During parent sessions, parents are provided with the space and support to reflect on how they are feeling and coping in their task of supporting their child’s unique needs. It is also a time for them to observe what is happening for their child and what may be underlying certain emotions and behaviours. With more information through this process of observing, parents can understand and help support their child more effectively. Often parents’ response when their child is experiencing ‘challenging’ behaviours due to exhaustion and frustration can also in turn impact on the challenging behaviours. Parents are then supported to identify their own triggers and ways to be able to regulate themselves, rather than react.
Balancing the parenting of neurodivergent children with non-Autistic siblings is another concern that parents can bring to parent sessions. Much of our work at the clinic centres around strengthening families which is why it is important to work with both parents and siblings. Our sibling groups have been well attended with siblings reporting improved understanding of their Autistic brother or sister and also, increased ways to communicate and connect with them.
Fathers also spend time worrying about their children. They may have been raised with certain gendered expectations and may have a more task-oriented approach to problem solving. Dad’s often report that their child is disrespectful or disobedient. Our ‘Dad’ sessions help Dads to reflect on the way that they were parented and how this may be impacting how they parent their child and their expectations. We work hard to support Dads to identify their own needs and challenges and discover more effective coping, adjustment, and parenting strategies.
Sessions offer a framework to supporting the individual child, not a one- size fits all solution. Collaboratively, the parent and therapist prioritise concerns and a session plan.
Moving from traditional ways of parenting can be challenging, but with courage, this can lead to more effective, confident, and calm parenting with strengthened familial relationships.
“Autism isn’t an illness. It’s a different way of being human. Autistic children aren’t sick, they are progressing through developmental stages as we all do. To help them, we don’t need to change them or fix them. We need to work to understand them, and then change what we do. In other words, the best way to help an autistic person change for the better is to change ourselves – our attitudes, our behaviour and the types of supports we provide.”
