Supporting Neurodivergent (including PDA) Children on an Overseas Holiday
By Mollie Coles
Taking a trip overseas, whether it be to a new or familiar place, may come with numerous challenges and high levels of uncertainty. The thought of an overseas trip or a family holiday can be daunting even for those of us who are well accustomed to travel. There can be so much newness to travel: unfamiliar foods, unpredictable environments, a different bed and bedtime routine, unexpected sounds and smells, distinctive accents, new textures, unpredictable temperatures, crowded places, different sleeping patterns (and jetlag!) and the list goes on. When we add extended family into the mix, we have even more newness: new people to spend time with, new interests to understand, and new faces and names to remember.
For neurodivergent people, and particularly children (who usually have less control over the itinerary, places to visit, and family members to spend time with), all this newness can be overwhelming and anxiety provoking.
While many aspects of travel and family time can be unpredictable and unexpected, there are several ways we can support our young people, parents, other family members, and supporting health professionals to help prepare for the change and to set the child up for success.
In considering the above and from working with some wonderful families preparing for holidays, below are some tips for preparing neurodivergent children for an overseas holiday:
Upskill Those Around You
If you are going to be staying with, or holidaying with friends, family members, or others, upskilling them beforehand is going to be key. For example, you may choose to send them fact sheets, information, or videos about Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) if your child has a PDA profile, or create an About Me profile for your child, to communicate their interests, needs, sensory sensitivities, food preferences and aversions, preferred style of communication and so on.
Prepare family, friends, or others you will be spending time with, with tips and strategies to support your child in reducing their anxiety, increasing their regulation, and building their sense of safety. Help them to understand how your child prefers to communicate and build relationships.
A Safe Space
Wherever you are staying, is there a room or an area of the house, apartment, or hotel room that can be your child’s safe space (i.e., for them to retreat to when needed, to be alone, and keep their belongings and regulation tools)? If you are staying at a family member’s home, or staying with others, you may like to determine the best location for this safe space ahead of arriving.
A Special Hand Signal
Travelling, meeting new people, and being immersed in a totally different environment can drain your child’s social battery and take away many of their spoons (social energy). Some children may feel safety in developing a special hand signal with their parents so the child knows that when they are starting to feel overwhelmed or they are ready to leave somewhere, their parent will follow or leave with them.
Consider Your Child’s Energy Levels
You may like to look at energy accounting to consider with your child (or independently as a parent if your child is unable to engage in the activity or conversations) what takes their energy and what gives them energy and how to decompress and rejuvenate after a ‘big energy’ activity.
Considering energy accounting can be useful because energy givers and takers can be immensely different between parents and their children. For example, some people find socialising energising and enjoyable, while other people, and particularly neurodivergent people, can find socialising draining and stressful. Stressors, de-stressors, energy takers and energy givers can be vastly different across individuals.
We want to be prepared to avoid a total depletion in energy levels, however, sometimes the unexpected happens or your child may start the day with a lower battery level than usual. In these situations, having a contingency plan can be helpful. You may like to consider how you will support your child to replenish their battery. Will this be a preferred relaxing activity? Will your child need a day off from activities or socialising?
Preparing Your Child for the Trip (if they do well with preparation).
Every child is different. For some neurodivergent children, preparation is key. For others, preparation can increase anxiety levels and be perceived as a demand. You know your child best and can decide whether preparation is going to be helpful or inhibiting.
If your child does well with preparation, you may like to consider some of the tips below:
Showing your child photos or videos of the house, apartment, or room they will be staying in.
Looking at a map of the plane you will be travelling on and mapping out where you will be sitting on the plane, where the toilets will be, etc.
Creating a visual or written schedule for the trip.
Showing photographs of the family members you will be meeting.
Providing some control to your child by letting them decide on some of the holiday activities.
Bring With You the Items That Help Your Child to Feel Safe, Comfortable, and Regulated.
For many neurodivergent children and children with anxiety, they find safety and comfort in their familiar and predictable items and interests. “Bring home with you” through your child’s comfort items and regulation tools. If your child has a teddy bear or pillow that they can’t sleep without, make sure that these come with you. If your child uses noise cancelling headphones to block out surrounding sounds, make sure that these come with you. The same goes for fidget toys, well-loved toys, and devices. If your child has a favourite TV show or movie, can these be downloaded onto a streaming app to be viewed offline through an iPad or phone? Is your child able to bring some of their preferred foods on the plane?
Some parents may even choose to bring with them some favourite items (e.g., food, a new Lego set, a Bluey plushie) that they could give to family members or other people they are staying with to give to the child when they arrive, to support your child in feeling safe and building positive relationships with the other person.
Don’t Forget About You!
You may have heard the saying, “put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others” or “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. These phrases may sound cliché and sometimes overwhelmingly impossible, but they really are true. It is so important for you as parents to consider your own wellbeing, energy levels, and regulation.
How can you manage your own anxiety levels and regulation around the unexpected, unpredictable, and sometimes uncomfortable situations and environments? What do you need from those around you (e.g., your partner, your family members, others you are staying with)? What tools do you have for self-regulation (you may like to write these down to remind yourself)? Develop a contingency plan for yourself.
You may also like to consider some mantras you could remind yourself of at the end of a particularly difficult day (e.g., “I know my child best, I am going to ignore the judgement”, “I am doing my best”, “tomorrow is a new day”).
Seven key tips:
Upskill those around you about your child’s needs, interests, likes, and dislikes, sensory sensitivities, and food preferences and aversions.
Create a safe space for your child at each place you are staying.
Develop a special (“I need to get out of here”) hand signal with your child.
Consider your child’s energy levels – what gives them energy, what takes their energy, and how to help them recharge their battery.
Prepare your child for the trip (if they do well with preparation).
Bring with you the items that help your child to feel safe, comfortable, and regulated.
Don’t forget about you: consider your own wellbeing, energy levels, and regulation as the caregiver.
Other Resources
https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/resources/helpful-approaches-for-special-occasions/
