After School Restraint Collapse
By Dr Theresa Kidd
The build up of stress chemicals throughout the day (whether it be school, university or work), along with masking to fit in and appear 'non-autistic,' can often result in a spillover of energy and emotions upon arriving home. This is referred to as After School Restraint Collapse and is a term coined by Anthea Nair (Psychotherapist). Many parents inform us that teachers are saying their child is fine at school but unfortunately this can sometimes mean that they are working much harder than their peers - socially, academically, sensory, and emotionally. Nair (2017) explains that the child or adolescent uses "a great deal of energy, mental motivation, emotional containment, and physical restraint" while at school. With home usually being their safe place, when they enter this environment, they are able to express themselves without fear of judgment or consequences. Consequently, the release of emotions and built up energy can result in:
An After School Restraint Collapse may look like:
Defiance
Verbal aggression
Physically hurting siblings
Screaming
Tantrums
Overly emotional
Teary/ easily upset
Fighting with siblings or parents
Unable to do homework or tasks around the house
Excessive complaining/ negativity
Blaming others
Often occurs immediately after school/school related activity (including the car ride home!)
After School Restraint Collapse can be exhausting for the young person, their siblings, and parents. Being in Term 4, you may be seeing this occur more often and intensely as the capacity of our young people (and their teachers!) reduces. It's important to remember that After School Restraint Collapse is not intentional and is best viewed as an incapacity and coping problem. As adults, we might exercise, talk with a friend, watch Netflix or have a glass of wine after a taxing day. This assists us to regulate our emotions and release built-up energy and leftover feelings. Our children may not yet be independent in regulating their emotions and therefore we will need to assist them using co-regulation.
Some tips for reducing After School Restraint Collapse include:
Breaks: Speaking to school staff about ensuring that the young person is provided with enough breaks throughout the day to release stress chemicals and excessive energy. Breaks need to be individualised and can be both scheduled and spontaneous. Refrain from providing breaks as a reward or relying on class wide activities (they may be in addition to class 'brain breaks') since they are a necessity and may look different for each student. Parents can monitor whether they are seeing a reduction in After School Restraint Collapse as breaks increase and feed this back to school staff. Some of our clients may have a half or full day off of school each week which can also see a reduction in After School Restraint Collapse on other days.
School Accommodations: At times when your child is calm try to find out what they may be finding stressful during their school day. You, or your child's psychologist can then communicate this to school staff making recommendations for accomodations at school.
Quiet Time and Minimal Questions: Refrain from asking questions when you pick your child up from school. It is best to allow space (quiet time) for them to be along with their thoughts. If you do speak, use declarative statements, "I was thinking about you today and your maths test" or validating statements, "It looks like it was a tough day today."
Interests: You may have a favourite activity on hand when you pick them up (e.g., toy, iPad, audiobook, fidget tools, TV show, drawing materials, book) to assist with feelings of relaxation to feel most relaxed.
Food: Have a snack ready in the car or as soon as they walk in. You can place this next to them without using verbal communication.
Reduce Sensory Input: Try to reduce noise, smells, touch in the household when you arrive home. Extra sensory stimulation is not what is needed after a busy day of over-stimulation at school.
Occupy Siblings: If sibling fights usually occur upon arriving home try to have a separate activity set up for the sibling/s. Maybe they can help you with dinner prep, do craft, play a board game with you, or watch their favourite TV show.
Attachment Bridging: Use age appropriate ways to stay connected with your young person during the school day. Examples include: post-it note messages and letting your child take something of yours with them. If they are older you might send a text message about their favourite dinner or a meme to lighten their day.
Decompression Time: Allow your child to decompress from the day - it can be helpful to consider how hard they have been working all day so use the time after school (and on days off) to engage in activities that bring them joy and are calming for your child. Wait for your child to engage with you and this will usually occur when they have had time to decompress and are ready to interact.
Movement: Moving our bodies is the best way to release built up energy and increase the production of our brain's feel-good neurotransmitters, called endorphins. Think about the ways that your child may engage with this - playing with the dog outside, swimming, swing or hammock, sensory tools, play wrestling, weights.
Laughter and Fun: Laughter releases a surge of stress-reducing hormones like epinephrine and dopamine. A good, hearty laugh from the belly also oxygenates our bodies and provides an emotional and physical release, removing tension and leaving the body relaxed.
If meltdowns appear to be overtaking your home, school accommodations can be a good first step to reducing the stress or tension that your young person is feeling. As clinicians, we often talk with our clients (and their parents) to identify what specifically is causing them stress or anxiety within their school day. This information can then be shared with the teacher, and a list of recommendations formulated, to assist in reducing the build up of stress chemicals throughout the school day. Feel free to talk with a TKC clinician about your young person's After School Restraint Collapse and they will be able to assist you with a plan to reduce this.