Core emotional needs and how we can meet them in childhood
As a psychologist, often my role is to ‘fix’ presenting problems when they arise or assist if a client is in crisis. Often this can be more difficult and can be a much slower process to support clients to return to a healthy way of functioning. Less attention is given to the role that psychologists play in the prevention of psychological difficulties; though this work often goes unnoticed, it is equally important and often even more impactful.
Recently, I have been extending my knowledge and application of schema therapy. Schema therapy (developed by Jeffrey Young) is a modality of psychological intervention that often is used to treat adults with personality disorders and persistent mental health concerns. Schema therapy identifies that as humans we have core emotional needs. If these needs are not met by our early caregivers in childhood, we can develop unhelpful patterns of thinking and behaving, which can be detrimental to our emotional wellbeing.
The core emotional needs identified by Jeffrey Young include:
Secure attachment to others – feel safe and connected to significant others
Autonomy, competence, and sense of identity – know who we are and what we can do
Freedom to express valid needs and emotions – have a safe space to express ourselves and be heard
Spontaneity and play – have fun [and]
Realistic limits and self-control – know our limits.
One role that psychologists play in preventing later issues for clients is working with their parents and/or caregivers to consider and reflect on how to best meet their children’s core emotional needs in early development.
Below is a list of questions that can elicit curiosity to assist this process.
Secure attachment to others:
- Do you make time daily to be available for your children?
- Have you asked your children about their interests and passions?
- Have you told them that you love them unconditionally (e.g., “I love you the same, even if you have a meltdown”)?
Autonomy, competency, and sense of identity:
- Do you name strengths that you see in your young person to them?
- Do you let your children try new things and make mistakes when learning new things?
- Do your children have time at home to choose what they would like to do?
Freedom to express valid needs and emotions:
- Have you supported them to identify their emotions?
- Have you encouraged them to tell you how they are feeling when difficult times arise?
- Have you encouraged them to independently ask for help at school?
Spontaneity and play:
- Do they have time for free play everyday?
- Do they have opportunities to play in their own way (e.g., independent, parallel play etc.)?
- Do they have opportunities to change their minds last minute for things that affect them?
Realistic limits and self-control:
- Are they aware of non-negotables at home?
- Are they aware of why there are non-negotiables at home?
- Are they encouraged to be accountable for their own actions (e.g., allowing space for natural consequences)
